sometimes i wish i could just be content with where i am. 90% of the time i'm thinking...what's next? always planning ahead. always thinking about tomorrow. in todays world, i wonder if theres any way around it. i know in scripture it says dont think about tomorrow, tomorrow has its own worries. but...is that really possible? we're always planning: dinner next week, a visit in 2...a run later, work in 3 days. i dont know. it just seems like there is no possible way to not think about what happens next. even now i'm thinking, i'm going to aarons game at 4, i'm eating dinner after that, i'm going to church tomorrow, then lunch, then homework...i mean, i have to plan ahead. i wonder what was meant by those words in scripture. and what context it was in.

when i started thinking about this, i was really thinking about how i'm always thinking about where i'd rather be. if i'm at school, i'd rather be home, if i'm home, i'd rather be with scott. and i guess its not so much that i'd rather be somewhere else, its that, i want to be everywhere at once. my mom tells this story about duke, i guess its not a story really, because it happens every time we take him for a walk (which is seldom.) he's not a very good walker. he always walks as far out as he can, which makes the lease choke him. you can hear his breath - hes wheezing and breathing really hard, totally out of breath. we dont understand why he does this, why he doesnt just walk beside us like a good normal pet. but he doesnt, he insists on being as far out as he can. i feel like this sometimes. like i'm walking to far out. walking to my very limit wanting to go beyond where i should be. why cant i just be here? be where i am instead of always wanting more?

ill try to work on this.