i kind of have had a rough week. but i'm getting through it.
i also kind of have a lot on my mind. but i probably wont write it all till this weekend and i have some time to sit, think, and reflect.

soon though.

sometimes i wish i could just be content with where i am. 90% of the time i'm thinking...what's next? always planning ahead. always thinking about tomorrow. in todays world, i wonder if theres any way around it. i know in scripture it says dont think about tomorrow, tomorrow has its own worries. but...is that really possible? we're always planning: dinner next week, a visit in 2...a run later, work in 3 days. i dont know. it just seems like there is no possible way to not think about what happens next. even now i'm thinking, i'm going to aarons game at 4, i'm eating dinner after that, i'm going to church tomorrow, then lunch, then homework...i mean, i have to plan ahead. i wonder what was meant by those words in scripture. and what context it was in.

when i started thinking about this, i was really thinking about how i'm always thinking about where i'd rather be. if i'm at school, i'd rather be home, if i'm home, i'd rather be with scott. and i guess its not so much that i'd rather be somewhere else, its that, i want to be everywhere at once. my mom tells this story about duke, i guess its not a story really, because it happens every time we take him for a walk (which is seldom.) he's not a very good walker. he always walks as far out as he can, which makes the lease choke him. you can hear his breath - hes wheezing and breathing really hard, totally out of breath. we dont understand why he does this, why he doesnt just walk beside us like a good normal pet. but he doesnt, he insists on being as far out as he can. i feel like this sometimes. like i'm walking to far out. walking to my very limit wanting to go beyond where i should be. why cant i just be here? be where i am instead of always wanting more?

ill try to work on this.

year of the tiger

Tiger people are difficult to resist, for they are magnetic characters and their natural air of authority confers a certain prestige on them. They are tempestuous yet calm, warm-hearted yet fearsome, courageous in the face of danger yet yielding, soft and mysterious. They enjoy a life full of challenges and unexpected events, like visiting unusual places and meeting interesting or outstanding people. Other people in their area are easily attracted by the tiger's enthusiasm and way of life. Tigers find pleasure in the unpredictable, and while other people would rather make a backward step, they are not afraid to explore the new and unusual. But it is not that simple to interest the Tiger. What they really need is first-hand experience. Usually open and frank, these people are likely to withdraw and can be aggressive when trapped. As soon as the Tiger has regained their sense of security their confidence also returns, enabling them to set out once more. These people usually tend to trust their instincts, though there is another side of their personality, which assesses situations thoughtfully before they launch any actions. Their friends usually secretly admire their determination and optimism, though sometimes may find it complicated to share the Tiger's enthusiasm and can be pushed away and left behind. Although Tigers can be courageous and generous friends, if they are not able to achieve what they want, they can be inflexible and self-centered. So if your friend was born in the year of the Tiger, there will be highs and lows in your friendship, but the friendship itself will remain firm.
Ideal jobs for tigers include entrepreneur, military officer, politician, musician, writer, poet, artist, theater director, biological and environmental engineer, stockbroker, athlete, film star, trade union leader, company director, stunt person, explorer, and lawyer.


i just dont know if this is me *shrugs shoulders*

a fresh start

well, i pretty much made this so that kim could in turn have something to read, since i read hers religiously. but it comes at a good time. its the beginning of a new year, new semester, a fresh start. i dont know why we dont start over daily, because we can, but it seems like the new year always gives us that little motivation that we need to make the changes that we've been wanting to make since jan. 2nd of the last year.

i've made a few personal goals for the year. i want to lose weight (as everyone does, every single year) but this year i mean it. i walked 2 miles yesterday, i stopped drinking pop, and i'm trying to be really conscience about what i eat, maybe not what i eat, but rather how much of it i eat. i want my grades to be good. scott and i are having a competition to see who can make the best grades, i dont know what the stakes are yet, but i'm sure it'll be good. also, i want to just be ok with being with just me and God. i've never really been one to enjoy being alone, God definitely created me to be around people, but i think that i have started to rely on them way to much for my identity. also, for scotts sake, i'm trying to back off a little bit. i know i have a tendency to be needy, which isnt always a bad thing, but i know that it is annoying and that he doesnt really desire to be with me if i'm already always there. and the past few days have actually been better because i've just been ok with being with me, and spending a little more time with God.

all that said, i'm basically trying to be the best version of me that i can, with a whole lot of help from God.

some good random news. for you who dont know, i applied for an internship at willow creek community church. i sent my application in on monday, and they emailed me back yesterday!! i was so excited. they want to do a phone interview with me, which will be monday jan. 26th. so be praying about that! if i get accepted i will be going to chicago in august for a year. which is pretty exciting. but i'm just trying to open some doors so we'll see which one God tells me to go through.

anyway. enough for now. kim, dont judge me if my sentences are grammatically incorrect. :)